One of those nights where I’m debating to remain the person that I am, or once again be the monster I once was.
Right now… I am human. Alive. Frail. Easily broken. Easily hurt. At this very second, I am hurt and broken. I’m lost and confused. But yet… being human, means being alive. Having emotions. Knowing joy…
Then there was the monster. It was cold. Callous. Proud. Strong. Emotionless. Emphatic, without being sympathetic. But empty. Alone. I didn’t know joy, because I was incapable of feeling it.
I’ve always hated the monster I once was… but right now, I can’t help admire how beautiful the monster was. How simplistic it was not to feel… how easy it was…
I know to be that again means to be dead inside… but that might be a better alternative to how I feel right now. I’m too old and tired to go through what I’m going through. I’m tired of being the best I can be, but fall short. I’m tired of being the best friend that helps the one person I love deeply time and time again, without question or being asked to help… but yet always ending up in an empty bed.
For once, I want to be the lover, not the friend. To be the prince, and not the knight.
Or I could just be the dragon that sleeps in its cave alone…
A Knight's Sorrow 