A Knight's Sorrow

October 11, 2013

Supplicate

Filed under: Poetry — Harlequinn @ 2:02 pm
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Words mean little to those I’ve hurt.
Or of this guilt within my veins,
That claws my chest through blacken heart,
And plays upon my maddened brain.

I could weep, or beg, or cry like babe,
Or fall upon my sword of shame.
I could walk upon this sun cursed earth,
Till my feet are bloodied pain.

But even with those tasks atone,
Naught quenched your sorrows be.
With my broken arms and fragile soul,
I plead upon your forgiveness please.

September 12, 2013

Echoes

Filed under: Poetry — Harlequinn @ 5:30 am
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My name shall be a whisper,
Like sands upon the wind.
My face is but an echo,
A shadow from your past.

Your thoughts of me will trickle
Fleeting…
Drifting…
Gone…

But I shall never forget you,
For knowing is all I craved.
In knowing you, I knew myself,
And that you’re the one I loved.

May 9, 2013

Disconnected…

Filed under: Blog — Harlequinn @ 11:05 pm
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I think with the stress of assignments, most of my things are packed up, ergo living in an empty room, my best friend working away and another close friend living a fair distance away… I can’t help but feel a little disconnected from the world.

I mean, yes, there’s friends I have online that I speak to… but they, in a sense, keep me connected to a virtual world. They, unknowingly, keep me house bound. That in order to socialise with them, I have to stay plugged into some electronic device and interact with their virtual avatar, in a virtual world. I do appreciate their friendship and support, but I crave for a world I can touch.

April 25, 2013

To Be or Not To Be

Filed under: Blog — Harlequinn @ 10:44 am
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One of those nights where I’m debating to remain the person that I am, or once again be the monster I once was.

Right now… I am human. Alive. Frail. Easily broken. Easily hurt. At this very second, I am hurt and broken. I’m lost and confused. But yet… being human, means being alive. Having emotions. Knowing joy…

Then there was the monster. It was cold. Callous. Proud. Strong. Emotionless. Emphatic, without being sympathetic. But empty. Alone. I didn’t know joy, because I was incapable of feeling it.

I’ve always hated the monster I once was… but right now, I can’t help admire how beautiful the monster was. How simplistic it was not to feel… how easy it was…

I know to be that again means to be dead inside… but that might be a better alternative to how I feel right now. I’m too old and tired to go through what I’m going through. I’m tired of being the best I can be, but fall short. I’m tired of being the best friend that helps the one person I love deeply time and time again, without question or being asked to help… but yet always ending up in an empty bed.

For once, I want to be the lover, not the friend. To be the prince, and not the knight.

Or I could just be the dragon that sleeps in its cave alone…

April 2, 2013

The Kitten and The Knight

Filed under: Story — Harlequinn @ 2:06 pm
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A long time ago, in the Land of Lost Toys, wandered a brass knight made of gears and cogs. Though he travelled far and wide, slaying cruel beasts and witches with his alabaster sword, he never found a place to call home. He never knew joy. It was not because he was never offered riches and glory, to which like any good knight, he turned down, but because, like any good knight, he was on a quest.

For, you see, brass knights made of gears and cogs run on clockwork that must be wound every so often, lest their gears stop turning. But many years ago, this knight had his key that wound damaged in a fierce battle against an electric dragon, that snapped his key in half. And now, without a way to fix his key, the knight feared the day his gears would turn no more.

One day on his travels, the clockwork knight stumbled upon a kitten made of the most delicate porcelain, with a copper bow in her hair, weeping by a river. Not one for seeing fair maidens cry, the clockwork knight approached the porcelain kitten and asked what was wrong. Staring up at the knight, the kitten wiped the tears away from her blue eyes, and sniffled as she told the knight her story.

Many years ago, the porcelain kitten was kidnapped by an evil demon that had locked her away in his dark tower, so she could not see the sun and the moon, that she loved so much. But being a resourceful kitten, she found a way to creep out of the tower, so that she could once again see the moon and the stars that lit the night sky. But alas, in her escape, she had fallen and cracked her delicate porcelain skin. Worse still, by the light of the following morning, the cruel demon had once again found her and locked her higher up in his tower.

Every time she was locked away, she found yet another way to escape. But alas, with every escape, her porcelain skin became more damaged and chipped, so that now where her heart should be, was only an empty shard. Latching onto the knight, she wept that she was afraid she was too damaged and broken, and that none could love a porcelain kitten without a heart. That all she had to look forward to, was to see the moon once last time, until the demon came for her once again. Mustering what courage he had, the knight declared that he would protect her from the demon, and so they made camp by the river, snuggled up in each other’s arms. For one night, the knight and the kitten felt complete. Whole. At peace.

When the harsh light of the morning rays fell upon the knight, he realised his arms felt empty. And then it dawned upon him, that the kitten was gone. Stolen. Taken by the demon while they slept. Not one to break his oath, the clockwork knight picked up his sword and marched for the demon’s tower. Through day and night, through ice and rain, the knight did not relent until he found the demon’s frozen tower to the northern lands.

Entering slowly into the tower, the knight hoped to catch the demon sleeping in his foul and fetid dungeon. And while the demon was in the dark and damp dungeon that existed beneath the tower, he was not asleep. Nor was he happy to find this intruder that wish to steal his porcelain kitten away from him. And so, the brass knight and icy demon fought, with sword against claw, until finally the knight was triumphant as the demon lay dead.

With the beast now slain, the knight slowly made his way up the spiralling stairs of the tower until he made his way to the highest room, where the porcelain kitten was kept. Upon seeing the knight open the locked door to her room, the kitten was elated to see her saviour rescue her from the terror of her captor, until she gasped. For the struggle with the demon was one battle too many for the knight’s gears, as they slowly began to creak to a halt. And while the knight wanted to smile, knowing he did one last deed before gears stopped, he fell backwards, down the spiralling stairs until crashing to a halt.

Rushing down the stairs, the kitten wept at what she found. Broken gears and shards of metal lay scattered upon the icy floor. There was no more knight, just fragments of what he was. But being a resourceful and stubborn kitten, she worked hard through the night until she had pieced the knight back together. But without a key to wind his gears, he did not stir or move. Instead he just stared up at the ceiling, cold and unaware.

Sighing a defeated sigh, the kitten picked up the knight’s alabaster sword and laid it upon his chest. But as she did so, she gasped in both joy and sadness. For you see, the shard of alabaster that was the knight’s sword was just the right shape to fill the porcelain kitten’s cracked heart. Now the kitten realised why she had felt complete when she slept in the clockwork knight’s arm that fateful night. While she feared that she would never be whole, he unknowingly had the shard for her heart.

Clutching tightly at the knight’s unmoving form, the kitten wept and wept. For years she had hoped for someone to complete, and now the moment she had found him, she had lost him. Slowly wiping the tears from her eyes, the copper bow from her hair fell to the ground, landing next to the knight’s broken key. Picking up the bow and the key, the kitten was shocked and delighted to find that her bow fit perfectly into the cracks of the key’s broken shaft.

At first, she hesitantly inserted the key into the knight’s heart and turned the key once, until she heard a click and a grind of moving gears. Giggling happily, the kitten enthusiastically turned the key again and again, winding the gears of the knight’s heart until he sat up. Looking down in surprise, the knight saw the kitten’s bow had fixed his broken key, and that she had given him life once again.

As the first rays of the morning light slowly made their way into the tower, the knight and kitten hugged each other tightly, staring lovingly into each other’s eyes. Both of them were now complete. Both of them were now whole. No longer did the kitten need to sneak out to see the night, for now she had her knight. No longer did the knight need to search for his key, for the kitten had opened his heart. They were together now, and forever happy.

March 30, 2013

Empty

Filed under: Poetry — Harlequinn @ 10:41 pm
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I drink in order to forget,
But my bottles run empty,
Whilst I still remember.

I listen to music for inspiration,
But silence fills empty chords,
Whilst I still procrastinate.

I try to write in order to focus,
But empty words do fade away,
Whilst I stare blankly.

I try to say how much I need you,
But I choke on empty hearts,
Whilst I begin to turn away.

Confusion

Filed under: Poetry — Harlequinn @ 8:31 pm
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Your little words,
Be small and curt,
Creates a wound,
Of septic hurt.
Cold and burning,
It festers deep.
Makes me ache,
With little sleep.

You don’t talk.
You push away.
Makes me think,
You want his way.
My limbs heavy.
My heart tight.
I think I’ve lost,
My will to fight.

I’m lost, confused,
About me and you.
What I wanted,
Was always you.
My dream for you,
Is happy, free.
So for now,
Ill leave you be.

March 11, 2013

Echoes Waltz

Filed under: Poetry — Harlequinn @ 4:23 am
Tags: , , , ,

And once again, we dance this waltz,
Of broken hearts and empty steps.
With tearful joys that silence fills,
Twirling round till one does falter.

Now, like then, and always have,
I take the lead and spin you round.
I soothe your pain with no remorse,
You light my day with simple smile.

No lows, but highs, we dance the night,
Our giggled joys that echoes halls,
That flit away the shades of past,
Ghosts of shattered hearts at rest.

And as our laughter does reach its peak,
Your shade of love does steal you back.
And as you two do dance away,
I beg and plead for you to stay.

Broken… lost… I walk away,
To empty groves of lovers lost.
I weep upon the broken husks,
The love I gave, scared and spurned.

And in the silver light of moon,
I find you crying in the gloom.
I slowly bow, as you do curtsy,
And once again, we dance this waltz.

February 23, 2013

Love Thy Self, Screw Thy Neighbour

Filed under: Blog — Harlequinn @ 2:15 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

Having dealt with the issues of some of my close friends in the last few weeks, I noticed an alarming pattern. People care too much, and yet at the same time, not enough. The problem… their priorities are wrong.

People are always spouting off that their friends or family or lover or tentacled alien friend, are the most important person in their life.

Now, this might sound rather cynical… but the most important in our lives, should be ourselves. We should be our first priority.

Now I’m not saying that friends and family aren’t important, but we need to make ourselves just as important. The reason being, is if we cannot love ourself for who are, if we cannot be proud of who we are, how can we expect someone else to love us or be proud for us?

We generally don’t expect other people in our lives to make us happy, so why do we take on the expectation that we must live our life trying to please other people? Why do we bend over backward for people and yet complain we’re not happy? The simple fact is, if we’re spending out entire lives trying to please other people on the premise that it will make us happy… we’re not being true to ourselves. Instead, it leaves us open to getting walked on others that will take advantage of our kindness. And in the end, we’re left bitter and empty.

We’ve all got to examine our lives and see what makes us happy. We’ve got to see what we want. To find ourselves. And if we’re not proud of who we are, if we’re not happy with the way things are, we need to change them. I know that is easier than it sounds… but it all starts with a single step. One foot after another, with each step taken with confidence and determination of who we wish to be.

On one final point… and probably the hardest thing about moving forward, is that whether we want to acknowledge it or not, we have toxic people in our lives. People that will taint us. People that wish us miserable so that they can be happy. People that will feed on our misery, like a cancer. And like a cancer, they need to be removed.

Unfortunately, cutting people out in our lives is never easy, especially if we’ve confided in them, hold them close or have had them in our lives for years. But simply, if a person can’t accept the fact that we aren’t happy with our lives and support that we wish to change, but instead want us to stay the same depressed person, what sort of friend is that really? If people really care about us, they’d want us to take a positive step forward, and will be there to hold our hand through the darkness.

So yes… how can we expect to fly on new phoenix wings, when we are held down my steel goblins?

January 23, 2013

My Black Rose

Filed under: Poetry — Harlequinn @ 7:23 am
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Moonlight dwells in silent streams,
Echoing of fae time dreams.
In star bound cloak,
Night does creep.
Empty of madness sleep.

Sovereign beasts do approach,
Court of fae, light and dark,
Heeding call from lands afar.
With weeping rose in her hair,
Angel queen, dark and fair,
Robes tinged with violet hue.
Zealous heralds dance around,
Echoes of the angel’s grace.

Reeds and whistles sing her praise,
Of beauty, wit and elven grace.
Smile that vexes with haunting gaze,
Eases through my wayward soul.

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